Pride, Prejudice, and the Humbling of Draco Malfoy
by anondracomalfoy
Summary: He thinks Muggles are ridiculous. She's determined to prove him wrong. When a Slytherin and a Gryffindor go head-to-head, there's no telling who will end up victorious. What matters most, though, is the thrill of the game-the challenge of humbling Draco Malfoy. Post-war.
1. The Challenge

_**Pride, Prejudice, and the Humbling of Draco Malfoy**_

_*****Please read the author's note at the end!_

* * *

- From the desk of Draco Malfoy -

_To be a Malfoy means to be defiant in the face of a challenge, but intelligent enough to...!_

_ I had planned a graceful sort of introduction, as you can...clearly see by my scrawled out marks above, but then Crookshanks came padding into the room and decided it would be most beneficial if he sat his ancient furry arse down right on top of my parchment. There's ginger fur all over the damn paper now; looks like it got in a fight with a Weasley. I have a theory that the cat is evil-I won't go into it now, but just know it involves karma playing a sick sort of joke on me in the form of a demonized half-kneazle. My wife certainly seems to think he's the bloody picture of perfection, though-I, personally, think she could use quite the wake up call. That bushy hair is smothering her and cutting off Oxygen (another theory of mine-contact me privately for details)._

_ While we're on the subject of my wife-I'm sure you've heard of her; know-it-all, loud, hair with its own postcode-I find it fitting to introduce my entire intent and purpose in composing this introductory letter, given that she's the reason behind its inception._

_ Granger has presented me with a sort of challenge, so to speak. It's well-known that I've often...more or less teased Muggles for their primitive ways of behaving and living, (I mean really, can you blame me? What sort of species thinks reality television is an intelligent idea?) and I know that more often or not my wife grows frustrated with me and protests otherwise. But how am I supposed to know what Muggles are truly like? I've never lived near them; they've never been a part of my everyday life. Running into them or observing them is a bit like going to the zoo, except I don't have to pay money to watch them scratch their arses in public._

_ But I digress._

_ As I was saying, I've been gifted with a very specific sort of challenge. One night, when I was musing over a book she was reading and wondering what defined it as "classic" or "extraordinary" among the Muggle community, she dared me to do something. To go somewhere no Malfoy has gone before (I'd like for you to all imagine a very dramatic organist piece right here). In short, she's challenged me to read a list of Muggle literature that may be deemed as "timeless" or "classic" to the non-magical community. Along the way, I'm expected to write a review for each and every book I complete for her (and all of you, I suppose) to view. She seems to believe that I don't have what it takes; that some of the content will shock and astound me into shutting up about teasing their side of life. I think on a level she knows that my jesting comments aren't (always) serious, but I think you'll find that she's __**very**__ pleased with herself for having come up with this idea in the first place. Needless to say, I've accepted her challenge; no way in hell was I going to deny it and live with her teasing and taunting me relentlessly over it for the next however many years._

_ And don't you dare say that it's very "Gryffindor" of me; we don't use filthy language like that in my house._

_ I've just been hit for saying that._

_ But yes, the fact of the matter is that I've accepted this challenge, and not only will I __**finish**__ the books Granger assigns for me, but I'll be sure to rub her face in it! I'd say I have a victory dance planned and everything, but victory dances are for Hufflepuffs. I suppose the point of this letter is to inform the community of the dare we have going on-Granger wishes for it to be a public sort of forum, so that if I fail (ha!) the whole world will be sure to know. We've also chosen to make this challenge interactive, so to speak-that means that those who happen to stumble across these documents can partake in our challenge; whether for their entertainment or sincere interest. We've created what your community refers to as blogs-blogs meant to document my process. They're free for people to read and follow, if you wish to keep up with my progress. I've charmed the paper so that when you click on the links below, it will lead you to the appropriate pages._

_You can find my blog (the superior one, obviously) here-dracoreads on tumblr-and you can find Granger's here-grangersbooks on tumblr. We encourage you to provide us with feedback and follow the blog and the documentation here; it makes it all the more interesting to hear the input of those who are bearing witness to our challenge (not to mention if you compliment me, you're clearly an intelligent member of your species)._

_And now, I'm afraid I must turn things over to my wife. Gather up a pillow and a nice and comfortable blanket to fall asleep with-Merlin knows she'll bore you to the point of tears with her tedious (and more than likely memorized) speech on the ethics and legitimateness of this challenge and how it...zzZZzZzzZ._

_- Draco Malfoy_

* * *

From the desk of Hermione Malfoy (nee Granger)  
Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures  
Founder of S.P.E.W, the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare;  
Please contact my office (home or otherwise) if you have any queries regarding either.

First of all, I'd just like to start out by clarifying that there is absolutely _nothing _that is, to use Draco's ill-chosen word, "evil" about my cat! My Crookshanks is as harmless as a little fly; he would never so much as touch a hair on my husband's ridiculously large and shiny head. He is getting a bit on in age, though, hence why he probably ended up needing to sit down and rest on Draco's sheet of parchment. There was most certainly nothing malicious about the poor dear's motives, and if I catch Draco saying otherwise, I can and will arrange to have Harry and Ginny's anniversary party thrown at our home. See how he likes _that!_Honestly, maybe if he spent a little less time _complaining _about Crookshanks, and chose instead to spend a bit of time scratching behind his ears and feeding him his cat treats, I'm sure he would realize that there's absolutely nothing _evil _about him in the slightest. For Merlin's sake! It's hardly Crookshanks fault that his joints are getting sore in his old age—why else would he have…erm…borrowed a few pairs of Draco's underpants and kept them in his bed, if not to use them to cushion his weary bones? And I'm not even going to begin to comment on his bit about my so-called "bushy" hair—I'll be dealing with that later. Let's just say that my husband grows a little _cranky _when he can't find his favorite shampoo and conditioner set, and that he won't even _think _to check in the drawer containing my…um, feminine hygiene products, to look for them. Ha ha _ha!_

While you've undoubtedly already gathered enough information from Draco's letter to understand the purpose behind our little challenge, allow me to provide you with a little more of an in-depth explanation—sans my husband's tendency to slip in a few highly unneeded snide remarks and perchance for dramatics. I love my husband, but he spends a great deal of time going on and on about how Muggles (whom make up the entirety of my biological family, by the way, a fact that he tends to forget more often than not) aren't nearly as sophisticated or intelligent as their magical counterparts.

He's obviously been misinformed, which…considering his strict Pureblood upbringing, isn't any sort of surprise. But I digress! I'm determined to prove to him that Muggles are more than capable of providing the world with intellectually stimulating and well thought out works of literature, in hopes of showing him that non-Magical folk aren't at all the sort of barbarians he seems to consider them as. After all, what better way to prove their intelligence and sophistication to my husband than to introduce him to classic Muggle literature? There's not a single doubt in my mind that, after reading literary treasures such as _Pride and Prejudice _and _The Great Gatsby_, Draco will develop a newfound appreciation for Muggles and the depths of their emotional capacity, as well as their capability to produce a well-written and timeless piece of literature that even _he_ can't help but enjoy. While Draco will never, _ever_admit to this, he's every bit as stubborn and proud as a Gryffindor—hence why he was unable to back down from the challenge I served him with! He's bound and determined to prove me wrong, but…well, I can say with the utmost confidence that the only one who's going to be proved wrong during this little experiment of mine is _him. _By the end of the challenge, I'm certain that my husband will have reached a state of enlightenment that he would have otherwise gone without had he not accepted this dare in the first place. He doesn't realize it as of yet, but by the time he's not even halfway through the list of books I've provided him with, he's already going to have found a new appreciation for Muggles that he didn't before—and I can't _wait _to see the look on his pale and pointy face when he's forced to admit that I'm right. Crookshanks and I might even have to throw a party in celebration!

I do believe my husband has already given links to the corresponding blogs we plan on using to document our little project, but just in case (and because I like to make sure that everything is organized to my standards, of course), here they are once more—mine (grangersbooks) and Draco's (dracoreads). I would like to urge you all to interact with us and even give a bit of feedback if you're so inclined to; someone has to agree with me that my husband can be an utter loon when he wants to! It's either that or I'll have to persuade Ron and Harry to comment on each of Draco's book reviews, and….well, as you can imagine, that more than likely wouldn't go over well at all. But whatever you do, please don't go out of your way to compliment my husband. His ego is already far too big as it is, and there isn't a Cooling Charm in existance strong enough to cancel out all the hot air in his head. Not that I haven't been working on developing one, of course—it's either that or dump him headfirst into a bathtub filled with ice cubes!

There! Contrary to what Draco said, that wasn't boring at all, was it? In fact, I think it was far superior to Draco's first letter, and if he wasn't pretending to be asleep and fake snoring at my side (the nerve of him!), I would be sure to inform him of such. Until then, though…I have some shampoo to hide, and a cat to feed. It's been lovely corresponding with you all, and I can't wait to read Draco's first review!

- Hermione Malfoy

* * *

**a/N**: Hello, everyone! Hope you're all doing well! I know that the format and style of this story is completely different than most anything I write, but perhaps that's what will make this fun! I want to address first and foremost that this is a** co-authored** fic. My friend Holly has agreed to write it with me. She will be writing the part of _Hermione_ and I will be writing _Draco_. This was really just a fun, light-hearted sort of idea that I came up with and wanted to build upon! Basically, my aim here was to create a story that would be interactive to any potential readers-I know a lot of times the followers and active readers would like to be more involved with a fanfic, so that was really what I was going for. Now, when I say that this is interactive, it means that not only do we encourage feedback via reviews on here, but as Draco and Hermione both stated in their letters, we've also created blogs specifically for this! You can follow the blogs to keep up with things, send us questions, or to submit suggestions. I'll post links here each time a new chapter is updated, but the bulk of the updates and story will be updated on those accounts.

Again, the links for the blogs are here-

Draco [ dracoreads . tumblr . com].

Hermione [ grangersbooks . tumblr . com].

Let us know what you think! Hope you're all having a great week :).


	2. A Truth Universally Acknowledged

_**Pride, Prejudice, and the Humbling of Draco Malfoy**_

Book # 1

**Chapter One:** A Truth Universally Acknowledged

* * *

- From the Desk of Draco Malfoy -

_It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man who is told to read __Pride and Prejudice__ by Jane Austen must be in want of some sanity (or sympathy, depending on how you look at it)._

_ Seriously, though...who the hell knew that I could read on and on for pages with nothing to fill the void but the ridiculous tale of some preposterous sisters who spend their lives searching for suitors? Come now, surely Granger could have given me something with a bit more...meat to it for the start of this challenge. I have a long list of comments prepared, and seeing as how I'm not exactly certain how I should start these reviews, I suppose the most logical approach is to just spew out some of the most groundbreaking thoughts I harbored about the characters in this book. So...right then. Here we go:_

_- Caroline Bingley is a vain bitch, and in all honesty I had to resist the urge to vomit every time she was mentioned._

_- The Bennets remind me of the Weasleys-they have more children than they can afford. Plus they're crazy (meet Mrs. Bennet and then contradict this statement-I **dare** you)._

_- Who the fuck names their child after the nickname for a cat? Did you just run out of painfully boring names to use?_

_- I have a theory that this "Jane Bennet is a genuinely good character" idea is a load of Hippogriff shit._

_- It's no wonder why you're still a bachelor if your last name is Bingley. I'm just saying._

_- How does anyone even tolerate George Wickham? Really-all he does is bitch and whine about the people who have fucked him over; a bit like Potter, really. "Voldemort killed my parents!" "Darcy robbed me of money!" Go whine your pathetic orphan tears; no one gives a shit._

_- Mr. Collins is the reason that plagues are necessary._

_- If your name is Fitzwilliam, then there's probably a reason why the love of your life takes an entire novel to become interested in you._

_ Let's talk a bit about Elizabeth Bennet herself, though. How judgmental she is, for starters-she's so bloody quick to assume the worst about the very people who turn out to be the greatest (by Muggle standards, of course). I like to imagine that she is, quite possibly, the worst judge of character in all of Great Britain. Though I suppose in her defense, it's understandable why she comes up with the conclusions she does-Darcy does, for all intents and purposes, treat her like shit at first. And then he falls in love with her out of nowhere? Because he's fixating on her beautiful brown eyes or something?_

_ Do you know what else is brown, Darcy? The load of shit you're spitting out._

_ I suppose, all-in-all, that Elizabeth Bennet isn't the most terrible thing to happen to this story. She is, after all, the most intelligent out of all of her sisters. She isn't a bleeding moron like Lydia (Don't get me started. Just...don't), and she seems to have a firmer head on her shoulders than the other girls, but...between you and me, if I was Darcy, I wouldn't have taken her back after the way she'd treated me. Come on, Darcy, the first proposal rejection is enough, don't you think? Back off a bit; no need to go above and beyond to prove that you're somehow worthy of her._

_ Sometimes we just need to learn to say no. I think I'll make that the slogan for this book. Either that or: "Poor people create really fucking annoying offspring. See Ginny Weasley for a real life example."_

_ It was difficult for me to find a character worthy of liking-they all had their faults, which I suppose is meant to esteem them and prove that they are, after all, only human, but...I wasn't impressed._

_ In fact, most of the time I was rather bored._

_ And while we're at it, why the hell is pride made out to be such a horrid thing in this book? Was Jane Austen prejudiced against pride (please hold your laughter until the end)? I mean, if you have a reason to be proud, then be proud._

_ Just look at me-I'm living proof._

_ I suppose my wife is...more or less flaring at the nostrils and glaring at me with eyes designing murder, so I should probably stop while I'm ahead. I'll let her bore you with her tedious defense of this classic piece of Muggle literature as well as publicly assign to me the next book on my list-and while she does, I think I'll go take a nap._

_ Nothing to lull me into a state of sleep than my wife nagging me about things I don't particularly care about._

_- Draco Malfoy_

* * *

From the desk of Hermione Malfoy (nee Granger)  
Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures  
Founder of S.P.E.W, the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare;  
Please contact my office (home or otherwise) if you have any queries regarding either.

As I write this response to my husband's review of _Pride and Prejudice_, said husband is pretending not to be interested in what I'm jotting down-but he can't fool me! He must take me for an imbecile if he doesn't think I can see him peeking at me from the corner of his eye; he's not exactly subtle, my Draco. I suppose it's better than him tormenting my poor cat, though-honestly, Crookshanks does not appreciate having his ball of yarn taken away from him over and over again like that! But...yes, anyway, I digress! As Draco already so tactfully pointed out, I didn't approve of his review of Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_ in the slightest. He didn't quite seem to grasp the underlying and symbolism of one of the world's most classic romantic tales, and while I know it's only his first book of the challenge, I really was expecting a bit more from him! At the very least, I was hoping that he wouldn't take to insulting my closest friends to make a point.

The nerve of him! You don't even want to know how many times I've had to tell him that he's not allowed to speak ill of my friends when in my presence (preferably not at all, but I can't exactly help what he says when I'm not around)! His comments in regards to both Ginny and Harry were entirely unnecessary, and you can bet all of your biscuits that he was thoroughly reprimanded for them. And by reprimanded, I do mean that he was given both a firm swat to the side of his head and the command that he would be washing dishes for the rest of the month-sans magic, of course.

He just didn't seem to understand what a literary **masterpiece**_ Pride and Prejudice_ is! Honestly, there's a reason it's one of my all-time favorite books (aside from Hogwarts, a History, that is), and I really do hope that perhaps, at the end of this challenge, once he's gained a proper sense of appreciation for Muggle literature, that he'll go back and read it again and realize that it's a timeless and classic tome-one that didn't deserve to be mocked nearly as much as it was. Perhaps he'll even realize some of the more subtle undertones of the novels and how they…well, how they sort of relate to him and I. I mean, think about it! In order for the two of us to come together and begin a relationship, (and eventually marry!), we both had to get over a fair bit of pride and prejudice. Draco can be just as arrogant and callous as Mr. Darcy at times, and...I might have the same sort of judgmental tendencies that Lizzie Bennet does, as well. It took a great deal of time for Draco and I to overlook our shared past and admit that what we felt for one another was stronger than the state of denial we were determined to hold onto, and I think that the same can be said for Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. If they hadn't overcome their difference of class and mutual pride, they never would have ended up as one of the most well-known and oft recognized couples in the history of literature! And while I don't think that mine and Draco's romance is one that will be written down and remembered for years to come, I do think that it is one that wouldn't have even occurred in the first place if the two of us (and by the two of us, I do mean Draco) hadn't set aside our differences and gave into...well, the way we felt for one another.

Draco Malfoy is the Wizard I want to spend the rest of my life with-I've known this for ages now, and I also know that it's something that's never, ever going to change.

Draco Malfoy is _also_ the Wizard who's staring at me rather impatiently at the moment as he waits for me to finish my review so that we can...erm...head to the bedroom for the night, so with that, I bid you farewell! I hope that none of you were offended by Draco's first review (especially you two, Ginny and Harry! I'm sorry!), and that you continue to provide him with constructive criticism and words of helpful advice! Thank you so much for reading what we have so far-even if Draco won't admit it, he really does like broadcasting his feelings to the general public, and every message and review left for him pleases him quite a bit. But-oh, he's very impatient at this point, and he's starting to get a bit...persuasive. Very, very persuasive, and-yes! I'll be going now! I wish you all the very best, and-okay, goodbye!

- Hermione Malfoy

* * *

**a/N:** Hey guys! Hope you're all doing well! Sorry it took a bit for us to update this-in all actuality, we had the books planned and the reviews written a little while ago, but things have been pretty hectic in our lives and we haven't really had the chance to upload the second chapter! But it's here now, and I hope you've all enjoyed it! We thought it would be nice to start off with the classic book that the title of this fic is playing off of, and I hope you all are enjoying where it's headed! Again, this story is interactive, so you can find answered questions, blog posts to this fic, and updates on the tumblr accounts we have set up.

Draco: dracoreads . tumblr . com

Hermione: grangersbooks . tumblr . com

Don't forget to let us know what you thought of the chapter! And if you have any book suggestions to make, feel free to go ahead! Keep in mind that in order to go along with the story idea, the books suggested have to be **classic** pieces of literature. Have a nice day, everyone!


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